Happy hump day, it’s that time of the week where you feel like you’ve still got a million days to the weekend, but at the same time like it is tomorrow. I hope your weeks are going wonderfully so far, what have you been up to?
A few weeks ago I wrote a blog all about confidence, and at the end I assured you I would follow up with more in-depth posts on certain topics.
This post is going to be talking all about trusting someone to help you grow. It isn’t always the easiest, and sometimes it doesn’t seem like a possible option but it is a step. Trusting someone is the first part, the confidence comes after.
First things first, you don’t need to go out your way to scout people. You also don’t need to have a huge group, in fact that is counterproductive and can make you feel a lot smaller and less important. I think that is the main thing about the process, you need to feel important – don’t get cocky with it because, the world doesn’t revolve around you, but you are important and in your own life you are the most important thing. Without you, there is no your life. But back to the initial point, you just need one or two people – whether it is your parents, siblings, partner, college friend (anybody that you are close to and has a positive impact on your life) to support you through the process. They don’t need to be your carer, they haven’t got to be there 24/7 and you definitely haven’t got to depend on them for your happiness. You create your own happiness, they are just there to witness and applaud it.
Once you have this person/people, you have to trust them that they are going to be on board with the journey. They don’t need to sign any contract or even know the specifics, they just need to be supportive. If they don’t support and they are negative influences then they are not the right person. Ok, so the person doesn’t need to agree 100% with what you say or do, they don’t need to be your little minion either but they need to have a positive impact with the most part of your life. For example, perhaps you are going through a low time and have thoughts of harming yourself – they shouldn’t freak out and go OTT and continue to be on your back all the time, they should be somebody that you can cry to but someone who will talk to you calmly and talk about the positives and not drag you down.
I suppose these people can be hard to find, but you will find them. They are out there. You may not even notice that your friend is one because you’re so focused on all the negatives you’re not noticing the positive people. They tend to compliment your work, whether it is your makeup, your hair, your essay, your baking and celebrate (even if it’s just a small ‘yay’ in your direction) all your successes. You went out the house today? WELL DONE YOU! Where did you go? Did you go to the shops alone? That is amazing!
Once you have found them, you start to grow. It’s like when you get all the right things to grow a flower… then it will start to grow. They are the nutrients, the water, the sun to your flower. They are the people who will come to the shops with you and stand near the counter whilst you pay for the first/second/third time, they are the people who will wait for you at the end of your bus journey, and if you need to ring them they will pick up, they are the people that ask you what good has happened in your day and even when you tell them the rubbish parts they still pick out the good, or talk with you on how to make it good. They will hold your hand right up until the finish line, but they will let you cross alone. You can do it.
You need somebody who will not see you for your labels, somebody who will not isolate you out just because you may have anxiety, just because you may say you don’t want to attend the event. There has been events I haven’t attended but it has felt much better when you have had the invite than when somebody says ‘you should’ve came but… yano…’. Make memories with them, don’t think about it as you’re going on a bus to improve yourself (at the time), think about the end outcome, the memories you are going to make – even if you just go and get lunch or for a walk around a park – a memory is a memory right? You will also be helping them grow as well, which to me is a great byproduct!
Your ideal person:
- Positive – there is just no point having negatives in your life, especially if you are wanting to grow and improve. You don’t want them to focus on yours, or even theirs or others labels, okay it is a part of your life – but so is having toe nails and who discusses them right??
- Not OTT – somebody who is patronising and condescending can just make you feel so small and insignificant. If they are constantly on your back and texting you 24/7 where you are and what you’re doing it can become a little annoying or you can become so dependant on that sort of behaviour that when they are busier and you dont have that constant support you can end up feeling a lonely and as if they don’t like you anymore (they do, they just had an essay to write that was due in 2 hours that they put off to make sure you were okay)
- Supportive – the more they celebrate the better!! Noting your successes and saying well done and telling others about what you have done and how proud you are isn’t patronising in the right amount. This really depends on the person, for some it may be a struggle to get up in the morning and to brush their teeth, but for others it is more about going out and achieving more. Little rewards are always great too, even if they’re inexpensive! It is the thought that counts.
- Adventures – this is so important, somebody who LOVES adventures, okay so you might not always be up for them but you will be and as you grow you will be able to go on so many more! Which leads me onto my next point…
- Okay with you saying no – everybody raves about saying yes, but sometimes you want to say no and that is okay. If they kick off every time you don’t feel up for something they are just going to put you down even more because then you start thinking whats the point, i only say no anyway. But there is SO much point! You are going to make wonderful memories, and you will get to a point where you are saying yes to much more – but that doesn’t mean you don’t need you time.
- Someone who is okay with space – feeling distant is something I can suffer with quite a lot, even when everyone is still around me. You need people to be okay with the fact that you just need some time and some space to breathe. It might have been a super successful week, but that can be exhausting – sometimes a day in bed watching Gilmore Girls is what is needed without the constant social side.
Well I think that is all for today, I have wrote far more than I anticipated. Do we like longer blog posts or shorter? Also do we prefer ones with more photos/videos or with more text, what your favourite ratio?
I am also trying out a more scheduled posting plan. Writing them in advance and uploading on Wednesday and Sunday afternoon, this could change depending on stats and just general life but that is what we shall be doing for now!
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